A Success Story

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   "I always imagined myself having lots of kids. I wanted a big family!
I was married when I was 26. I was still in school and working toward my career. I had an IUD in place, because it was too early to get pregnant. My husband was in school too. We were both on the career track. With an IUD in place, there was no accidental pregnancy. Time passed. I finished school and got a job, I started enjoying the life that came with not having to study all the time. My Husband finished up his schooling too. We traveled a lot and went to some wonderful places. We got a dog, and he became our "baby." He got all our spare love. I felt my life was heading in the right direction. I always knew I wanted children, but I was not in a rush. My Mother had me when she was 42, so I never really thought about hurrying up to get pregnant. I knew it would happen when I was ready.

   Things did not work out for us and this definitely upset my life. I was a real homebody, and my life revolved around my family.  I tried getting married again, but that was not well thought out and we split up shortly after my daughter was born. Having my daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me though, so it was worth it!

   As time passed, I knew I wanted more than one child. Getting married again was not looking good probability. I was too busy and happy spending time with my daughter. I could not imagine taking time away from her to husband hunt.

   I started off trying to have a baby using a sperm donor with intrauterine inseminations for 3 years. Each attempt was a re-commitment to my desire to have a child, since I had to pay for each try. It was very expensive! It is definitely cheaper to get pregnant the old fashioned way. I envied those who had children, seemingly without much effort. Every month I was  working to buy vials of sperm. I started off doing my own inseminations, but, since I was not getting pregnant, I ended up paying a midwife to inject me with the sperm. This went on and on. No pregnancy. 

    The midwife told me a story about another patient who was also divorced and wanted children. She told me that this woman also came to her for IUI inseminations in the hopes of having a baby. She was older than me and she eventually decided to try for pregnancy using an egg donor. She also used a sperm donor. She got pregnant with her first child. She was very happy, and it didn't bother her that the eggs were not her own. She was just happy finally having her baby.  The midwife told me that she even decided to have another child. Eventually, she had the children she always wanted. The midwife suggested I give it a try.

   I had not anticipated having a hard time getting pregnant. I thought about my options. I saw a fertility specialist who told me I could try an IVF cycle, but the odds were not good at getting pregnant with one attempt.  I heard of some people who try IVF over and over again. They spend a fortune and ending up broke without having a baby. I could not afford to get on the IVF merry- go round.

  The one thing I knew is that I wanted very badly to have another child. I considered adoption, but I knew it wasn't the option for me. I heard horror stories about birth mom's returning to claim their children, and devastating the lives of the adoptive parents. I knew I couldn't handle that at all. I considered overseas adoption as well. I really liked the idea of helping a child in need, but was very aware that as a single parent, I would be limited in what I could cope with.

   And so I came into the world of egg donation. I was cautious at first, but after checking with several agencies, I found a donor who matched my ethnic background, was in school studying in the same field as I, and had my hair and eye color. Her baby picture looked like mine. I was satisfied with her. I did find one other donor that I considered briefly, but she was from an IVY league school, and was one of those "extra- ordinary donors" that some agencies specialize in. She wanted a huge amount of money for her eggs. I realized I would be paying for her Ivy league status, and while that was a great accomplishment for her,  I myself am not Ivy league, and it was not necessary for my donor to be. My donor was in a good school and was close to my home. She had goals and talents much more like my own. And this price was more reasonable.

   I didn't want to spend all that money on an egg donor cycle, but I was pretty sure I'd get pregnant that way. It was either that, or think about IVF with my own eggs. While that was an attractive idea, it was too risky. I could spend all my money, and wind up with nothing.  Adoption was not for me. So there I was, rearranging my finances, and starting an egg donation cycle, with a donor I felt very comfortable with.

  The cycle was simple. The Doctor aligned my monthly cycle with the donor so that we were at the midpoint of our cycles together. For a couple weeks  I had to give myself shots which I didn't like, and go in a get blood drawn and ultrasound tests.

  After the egg donation my doctor called to say that she had six eggs, and that they all fertilized. She was going to freeze three and implant three in me on the 3rd day after the retrieval. 

   I came in for the transfer of my embryos in a real state of excitement. This was my best chance at having the child I wanted so badly!  My Doctor used an ultrasound to put the embryos in place, and told me to take it easy for a day or two. It didn't hurt at all. I went home, and lay on the couch and talked to God. I told him I wanted this baby so bad, and that if he would give  me this child, I promised I would always do my best to be a great Mother, and give this child every opportunity I could afford. I did a lot of talking, and I guess he was listening.

   I was told to go back in after 2 weeks for a pregnancy test. I couldn't wait. I used a home test a couple days earlier, and YAHOO! I was pregnant! I thought maybe it was a mistake. But the Doctors test confirmed it, I was finally pregnant! I was so happy! I was also afraid I would mess it up. I followed every instruction the Doctor gave me. She checked me with ultrasounds frequently, and  soon I began to see a little tiny bean of a baby. She took a guess it was a girl, and graduated me on to a regular OB Doctor.
    My baby girl was born a week early. I had a c- section because she was breech. They used a spinal anesthetic and I was awake for the birth. Seeing my baby for the first time was the most amazing and wonderful feeling. She was so beautiful and I felt total love for her! 
    My Father came to the hospital with me. I didn't know how he'd react to this nontraditional baby. He is really old fashioned. But he accepted my choice, and was there with me for the birth.  I have some wonderful photos of him holding my beautiful daughter in the recovery room. My Mother died a year before she was born, and my Father said many times he knew my Mother would have loved to be here, and would have loved this baby so very much. It made me sad that she wasn't here to see her born. What an odd coincidence that my babies due date was my Mothers' birthday.

   Her older sister was just crazy about her too. She hand crocheted a baby blanket for her. I had to deal with a bit of jealousy, but she was so happy now that she finally had her sister that it was never a problem. They have been best friends!
    Having my children has been the best experience I have ever had. I never think about my second child being different because she is from an egg donor. I relate to both children the same way. I tell them both how much I love them every day. As my baby girl gets older, I will have to decide how and when I will tell her about being a donor baby. I've started a collection of hand painted eggs for her and each time she gets one, i tell her that she came from a very special egg. I want her to know who she is, but I mostly want her to know how much she is loved.
    I want to wish you all the best in your quest for a child. Egg donation was the right option for me. My story has a happy ending. 

Best Wishes for your family,

Mary B.
A former "Intended Parent"


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