My Story
"I always imagined myself having
lots of kids. I married when I was 26, while I was still in school, working towards my career. I had an
IUD in, because it was too early to get pregnant. My husband was in school too, and he felt the same way
too. Too early. We were both on the career track. With an IUD, there was no accidental pregnancy, and time passed. I
finished school, got a job, and got working. I started enjoying the life that came with not having to study all the time. My
Husband finished up his schooling too, and we traveled a lot. We went to some wonderful places. We got a dog, and he
became our "baby." He got all our spare love. I felt my life was heading in the right direction. I always knew
I wanted children, but I was not in a rush. My Mother had me when she was 42, so I never really thought about hurrying
up to get pregnant. I knew it would happen when I was ready.
After 10 years together, my husband
decided to pursue another life that didn't include me. To say I was devastated was putting it mildly. I was a real homebody,
and my life revolved around my family. For awhile, I looked for another husband, and I find no one I wanted to be with. I
thought the key to my happiness rested in finding another husband and starting a new family. Slowly, I became aware that although
I couldn't find a husband, I was wanting very much to be a Mother. I would have rather had a child the old
fashioned way (like, being married and having a baby with my husband), but it just wasn't in the cards for me. I was not interested
in settling for someone I didn't love, just so I could have a baby.
I started off trying to have a baby
using a sperm donor with intra- uterine inseminations for 3 years. Each attempt was a re-commitment to my desire to have a
child, since I had to pay for each try. I was also going broke. It is definitely cheaper to get pregnant the old fashioned
way! I envied those who had children, seemingly without much effort, and here I was, every month working for money for vials
of sperm. I started off doing my own inseminations, but, since nothing was happening, I ended up paying a Midwife
to inject me with the sperm. This went on, probably 20 or more times.
The Midwife told me a story
about a woman she knew who was also divorced and wanting children. She told me she did the same thing I did, coming
to her for IUI inseminations in the hopes of having a baby. She was older than me (and by now, being over 40,
my age was beginning to worry me!) What she decided to do was to use an egg donor. She picked a donor that was
a lot like herself, and using a sperm donor, got pregnant with her first child. She was very happy, and it
didn't bother her that the eggs were not hers. She was just happy finally having her baby. The Midwife told me
the lady even decided to have another child, a couple years later, and now had the two children she always wanted. She
suggested I give it a try.
I really hadn't anticipated having
a hard time getting pregnant at all. I thought about my options. I saw a fertility specialist who told me I could try
an IVF cycle, but the odds were not good at getting pregnant with one attempt. I heard some people try IVF over and
over again, and spend a fortune, ending up broke without any baby. I was paying my bills, but after all those IUI attempts,
money was not a good subject for me. I could not afford to get on the IVF merry- go round.
The one thing I knew is that I wanted very
badly to have a child. I considered adoption, but I knew it wasn't the option for me. I heard horror stories
about birth Moms returning to claim their children, and devastating the lives of the adoptive parents. I knew I couldn't handle
that at all. I considered overseas adoption. Those kids are usually not newborns, and I had to consider what kind
of scars the child would carry with them from what ever kind of life he or she had, before being adopted. I really liked the
idea of helping a child in need, but was very aware that as a single parent, I would be limited in what I could cope
with. I was afraid that a child with emotional scars or special needs might be more than I could handle.
And so I came into the world of egg
donation. I was cautious at first, but after checking with several agencies, I found a donor who matched my ethnic background,
was in school studying in the same field as I, had my hair and eye color, and her baby picture looked a lot like me when I
was a baby. I felt this was as close as I was going to get. I did find one other donor that I considered
briefly, but she was from an IVY league school, and was one of those "extra- ordinary donors" that some agencies have.
She wanted a huge amount of money for her eggs. I realized I would be paying for her Ivy league status, and while that
was a great accomplishment for her, I myself am not Ivy league, and it was not necessary for my donor to be. The
other donor was in a decent school and is close to home, and had goals and talents much more like my own. And the
price was more reasonable.
I didn't want to spend all that
money on an egg donor cycle, but I was pretty sure I'd get pregnant that way. It was either that, or think about IVF with
my own eggs, an attractive idea, but too risky. I could spend all my money, and wind up with nothing. Adoption was not
for me. So there I was, rearranging my finances, and starting an egg donation cycle, with a donor I felt very comfortable
with.
The cycle was simple. The Doctor was of my
choosing and she aligned my cycle, and the donors' cycle so that we were at the midpoint of our cycles together. For a couple
weeks I had to give myself shots which I didn't like, and go in a get blood drawn a couple times a week during
the last few days before she would retrieve the eggs from my donor and get ready to have the embryos transferred
to me.
The day my Doctor retrieved the eggs from
my donor, she called me to say that she had six eggs, and that they all fertilized. She was going to freeze three and
implant three in me on the 3rd day after the retrieval.
I came in for the transfer of my
embryos in a real state of excitement. This was my best chance at having the child I wanted so badly! My Doctor used
an ultrasound to put the embryos in place, and told me to take it easy for a day or two. It didn't hurt at all. I went home,
and lay on the couch and had a talk with God. I told him I wanted this baby so bad, and that if he would give me
this child, I promised I would always do my best to be a great Mother, and give this child every opportunity I could afford.
I did a lot of talking, and I guess he was listening.
I was told to go back in after 2 weeks
for a pregnancy test. I couldn't wait. I used a home test a couple days earlier, and yippee I was pregnant! A little
doubt was there, since it wasn't an expensive kit, and I thought maybe it was a mistake. But the Doctors test confirmed
it, I was finally pregnant! I was so totally happy, and so afraid I would somehow mess it up. I followed every instruction
the Doctor gave me. She checked me with ultrasounds frequently, and soon I began to see a little tiny bean of a baby.
She took a guess it was a girl, and graduated me on to a regular OB Doctor.
